Project 101: Fight On February

{source: Deviant Art}

I find it interesting, looking back on my notes for this year, how this was always going to be Fight On February. I was going to be focusing on relationships this month and “fighting right” and fighting for my happiness. It has a new meaning now, and I thought for a second I might change it to Fresh Start February, but Fight On seems so much more appropriate.

My original purpose and plan for my 101 list was to gain happiness and to not let others steal, what I believe to be, something we can all control. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that this situation doesn’t suck. It does, but not every part of it. There are great things about this situation that will make me, in the end, more joyful. I won’t feel stuck anymore in any way, for one. I won’t be emotionally or mentally abused. I will be free to have friendships and to be social. I will be able to trust again, eventually, with some hard work and probably some counseling.

January was all about jumping into my 101 list with gusto and just going for it. I felt great! Personally, I was happier. I felt more fulfilled, I felt like I had a goal and a purpose. I accomplished a lot, too, which was another purpose of writing the 101 list; crossing off those little needling tasks that are always on the to do list, but should be on the “I’m really trying to find energy and time and interest to do this but hobbies are more fun” list. Having the list, if anything, is making me more aware of how I spend my time, and infinitely less bored. I’ve written more poetry, I’ve organized the pantry, I’ve taught the girls sign language (which is a whole other blog post), and I’ve set us up to make progress. Unfortunately, I am no longer a “we” or an “us” so I’ve had to rethink and re-manage and redo my plan. I’ve edited the 101 list to include things I want to do for myself rather than for my marriage.

This month is all about fighting to keep myself on the same path. To laugh and find the joy, even in the midst of heart ache and brokenness. I knew going in that this wasn’t going to be easy, that as soon as I made the decision to be happier that obstacles would suddenly present themselves. Isn’t that how it always goes? As soon as you make a plan and start moving forward, someone or something jumps in the way and tries to mess it all up. My devotional for today really spoke to me, because God was reminding me, again, not to worry and to trust Him. To take one day at a time, one moment at a time if a day is too daunting, and to believe that everything happens for a reason and if I continue to walk with Him, He will make it good. It read:

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time.

February 7 – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Next month is BIRTHDAY month and since I’m turning 30, I’m planning on making that all about me. To pamper myself and celebrate!

This month is about healing, beginning again with a fresh start, and fighting the urge to succumb to sadness and choosing to be happy.

Here’s what I’m working on in February!

1. Job search!
2. Research online college classes.
3. Finances.
4. Writing a will.
5. Daily devotions.
6. Paying It Forward.
7. Continuing my “50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind” Saturday Series.
8. Poetry.
9. Writing a love letter to myself.
10. Developing friendships in town.
11. Having tea with my grandma again.
12. Writing *that* post I’ve been wanting to write.
13. Self Defense Class?
14. Starting counseling.
15. Reading!
16. Writing an article for Examiner (possibly a Chicago trip?).
17. Using my massage gift certificate from Christmas.
18. Voting!
19. Purging clothing! (especially since I’m in a smaller size!)
20. Continuing my hunt for a church.
21. Making stones for the garden with the girls hands and feet imprints.
22. Continuing to develop recipes. (Made one today out of salmon that was so delicious!)

I’m looking forward to this month. Sure I’m going through a hard life experience, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also be growing at the same time, and at least making an effort to stay happy. Time to practice what I’ve been preaching for the past three months!

What are you looking forward to this month?

5 Responses to Project 101: Fight On February
  1. Jessica
    February 7, 2012 | 8:57 pm

    I absolutely LOVE the devotional passage from today. You’re a strong and resilant woman and God is going to use you and your testimony!! Can’t wait to see you cross more things off your February list!

  2. Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic
    February 8, 2012 | 9:21 am

    You are such a strong woman and I think this change and this direction switch for you with this list is just what you need to keep yourself focused on your well being and then fully ready to help your girls with theirs through this time. Again thank you for being open, when you don’t need to be. We are all rooting for you!!! For February I’m most looking forward to finding a new rental home that we can not only afford but be happy with. Our current one is OK but the utilities are KILLING us due to the old unit pumping the heat into our home. We also want to find a nicer neighborhood, but that comes with a price… I guess it’s time for me to double check my fiances too! ox

  3. Shana
    February 8, 2012 | 10:49 am

    You are really my inspiration right now. I’m so proud of you for keeping your focus on your happiness and not letting things drag you down. I know you are going to rock this February to-do list and I’m so happy that I get to watch you do it.

  4. Amanda Austin
    February 8, 2012 | 2:52 pm

    I always say that when I’m trying to get happy and be positive, the devil knows it — and he wants to do everything he can to get under my skin and take away my happiness…don’t let the devil steal your joy!!!

  5. Reesa L
    February 8, 2012 | 10:44 pm

    Kallay you are such an inspiration to me. Your strength & positivity makes me want to be a better person.

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