The (Get Out of My) Bucket List

1. You know how people are always telling horror stories about crop dusting in the grocery store, or waving at someone who is waving, but to the person behind them? I never want to do that again. Wait…

2. I have no desire, whatsoever, to learn how to dive. I’m a swimmer, not a hurtle myself to the bottom of the pool and hope to God I don’t break my neck-er. I’m just not interested. Improving my butterfly? Let’s chat.

3. I always say I’m never ever going to go skydiving, but I just have this inkling that someday I might be free falling from a plane with a dude strapped to my back who hopefully knows where the cord is. I’m not happy about it.

4. I never want to be 315 pounds, ever ever again. Baby or no baby, that shit’s uncomfortable. McDonald’s doesn’t taste as good if you have to move your chin out of the way first.

5. I have never seen an entire Austin Powers movie, and I don’t intend to, baby. Unless I can earn One Million Dollars. (You just read all of that over in his accent, didn’t you? Mmmhm….)

6. I never want to have my heart broken again. (Hahahahahaha…. BONK)

7. Have you ever had your bikini line waxed and/or lasered? Well, I have, and I NEVER want to do that again. It’s a cross between getting snapped with a rubber band and getting matches lit on your lady piece over and over and over again. Then you get to go back in 6-8 weeks and do it all over again. And….Repeat. (Nope. Never again. No thank you. Unless I become masochistic, then absolutely.)

8.  Smoking. I’m over it. (Though sometimes, the relaxing buzz sounds appealing, I remember I have a (literally) broken heart and that I’m prone to pneumonia. So I pin things instead. It’s heart healthy.)

9. Lose a tooth. I’ve never in my life wanted to look like a jack-o-lantern (except for that one time, when I dressed up like a pumpkin for Halloween in a giant orange bag with balloons as filler). The thought of having a gaping hole in my smile makes my skin crawl and then I squeeze my eyebrows together and wrinkle my nose.

And finally….

10. I never want to lose my faith in the goodness of others. Bitterness doesn’t look good on me, same goes for most yellows.

Linking up with Mama Kat and her (pretty much word famous) Writer’s Workshop!