I’ve read so many posts about the end of this year and after watching the morning news I realized, it’s also the end of a decade. A decade. Ten years that have flown by like a blink in time. So full of history and memories. For me, for this country and for the world. I can’t help but want to reflect on it all. The end of my teenage years, the beginning of “adulthood” and then trudging through the trenches of it. Marriage, divorce, marriage, another divorce, the lessons, the blessings and sometimes the hell. Presidents new and old, a tragedy, a war and a whole lot of people out of work. I have moved over 20 times in the past ten years and have single-handedly kept U-haul in business.

Remember ten years ago we were all flipping our shit thinking the clock was going to strike 12 and we were all going to blow up and be sucked into the black hole? That our computers would all crash because it couldn’t possibly just… I don’t know… start over? Like every clock in the whole universe does every twelve hours. It was the end of high school for me, if I really ever attended in the first place. I also moved away from home for the first time that year. Then we all voted for Bush *and* Gore, if you live in Florida. So we checked the votes and counted them twice and then something else happened that I don’t remember and we woke up had Mickey Mouse for our President. Fun. Year. Worst apartment ever. Oh yeah, and I got engaged. At Disney World. In front of half the planet. And Cinderella’s house. Move count: 2

2001 was the year some assholes decided to ram planes into our buildings and everyone blamed Bush. (for the next 9 years) It was the modern day Pearl Harbor and it was horrible. Anyone who was alive that day on the entire planet could tell you where they were when they found out. I was eating apple cinnamon oatmeal, drinking a Diet Coke, checking my first emails of the day and all of a sudden Connie and Fish (our morning radio hosts in Madison, WI at the time) started to talk about someone flying a helicopter into the World Trade Center. Two minutes later, the whole of the office was seated around the conference table crying. We saw the second plane hit the other tower and saw the buildings fall. Obviously work was over for the day. I had a hard time eating dinner that night. And two days later when we all went back to work… my oatmeal and flat diet coke were sitting there waiting for me. I hadn’t even shut off my radio. I finally got to move out of my crap ass apartment in the student ghetto after a rain storm shook my windows and ran water over a light socket. It was time for us to break up. I began planning my wedding, my demise, whichever you prefer and my sister got engaged to her awesome husband. Yeah, my poor mom. Both daughters getting married in the same summer. Move count: 3

Which leads us to 2002. I was Big Fat Bride. And I’m not even Greek. I can say that because I’m honest and I was fat. Two hundred and thirty pounds fat. I’m 5’9″ and I “carried it well”. But seriously, my thighs touched each other inappropriately, right thigh filed a suit against left thigh, I was shopping in the women’s department and my feet were up to a size 10. Did you know feet can get fat? Well, now you do. You’re welcome. So I called Jenny. She called me back. My fiance was all supportive and crap. I lost weight for a minute and then wedding jitters (cold feet, I don’t want to marry this guy) set in and I gained it all back. Thank God I didn’t order a smaller dress. I was all boobs and chins and flabby body on my wedding day. And sweat. Holy Lord it was hot that day. I bought my very first car that year too. And then a week later a lady T-boned me at an intersection because apparently the rule is to look right and left, not RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. So she slammed into me because she only had peripheral vision and a lot of insurance dollars and chiropractic visits later I had a new driver’s side everything and a crooked ass back. Thanks lady. I moved to Seattle to pursue my Culinary Arts degree for no point whatsoever because really, you’re going to start out a line cook no matter what. Awesome. Move count: 4

By my 21st birthday (where I was told what to order, never drank and had to pickup my crazy mother in law from the airport instead of going to an awesome concert, because y’know, it was HER day, not mine) my husband and I really pretty much done. We hated each other. In 9 months we had grown completely apart and were headed in different directions. We separated amicably, I took the cats, he took the couch and the apartment and soon after I met who I thought was the best guy since like… the creation of the Earth. Unless you’re my sister, don’t meet your future hubby at a bar, unless it’s a friend of a friend and even then, we’ve discussed this. So, we got married and I was so happy. I loved that dude like nobody’s biznitch. We were the “perfect couple” in other people’s eyes. That couple that everyone thinks is so happy. And we were, for a while. We had a lot in common, except I wasn’t really down with his sex addiction. I found out he had started cheating a month after we were married. Fantastic right? Move count: 8

So 2004, we went to counseling. We went to church. I found God again and so did he, for a week. I met and fell in love with another man that year, my darling Hercules. My knight in shining armor, he was. I started selling Mary Kay that year too. I learned how to apply makeup, which had been a mystery to me up to that point. I also discovered hair product and that whole curling iron thing. I was starting to feel good about myself and realized that Mr. Sex Addiction was a table cloth sized douche rag. This time, I started losing weight for real. My Mary Kay adopted Director was wise and wonderful and encouraged me every step of the way. She knew my situation and helped me grow my business in spite of it all. It wasn’t my calling. but it did wonders for my self confidence. I made new friends. I sold some skin care for extra cash. I learned what microdermabrasion is. Mr. SA kept on cheating. And I kept forgiving. Also, George Bush, round two. And welcome to the world nephew! Move count: 9

Finally in 2005, long story short, he found himself a girlfriend while on a year long deployment (he was active duty Army) and I found myself a divorce lawyer. I couldn’t deal with missing the love of my life, worrying about him every second of the day and wondering who he was fucking, all at the same time. I’m strong, not stupid. So I left him. And it was horrible. I was leaving behind a husband I loved, but I was also leaving behind my life. Thankfully, my true friends stuck by me through this horrible time, the other ones fell into his trap and he had his way with them. The divorce seemed to drag on forever. Washington law wouldn’t allow it while he was on deployment, due to his mental health. Give. me. a. break. My mom and I road tripped back across the country with my furry brood and the long process of healing began. I was so up and down and left and right and such a giant mess of a woman then. Getting mixed up with the wrong people, some really wrong people and really fell apart after a bad night in Canada. Move count: 12

It wasn’t until August of 2006 that the divorce was finally legally final, one month shy of our 3 year anniversary. It just seemed like it would never end. I had to watch him (by way of stalking myspace) jump from girl to girl to girl, finally landing his future wife. While I got a job, lost weight, found some confidence and lived on my own again. It started off with a new sense of freedom but also an experience worse than divorce. I’ll talk about it eventually but I’m not over it yet. It haunts me like a ghost with unfinished business and you don’t want to hear about all that. It’s not funny yet. I began a journey to what I now see as the best (albeit hardest) years of my life. I also dated some retards that year. One whom my sister nicknamed “The Barnacle”. He basically moved himself into my apartment while I looked on with a raised brow and an eviction notice with his name on it. His son was the product of Satan and took on the nickname of “The Beast”. He was a piece of work. Our break up was a sigh of relief heard ’round the planet. After that, I wanted to be single. For a long time. At that point I knew I didn’t want to get married ever again, but I didn’t want a boyfriend either. It seems like an eternity ago, now looking back. I discovered a new passion for coffee and reignited my dream of one day owning my own cafe. Life began to look up! Move count: 13

2007 I turned 25, a birthday that I shared with my then friend, and had an absolute blast. I was really starting to get happy. I worked hard, volunteered at my church, joined a bible study group, God found me again or I found Him again and then I met this complete jack ass. I am seriously “batting a thousand” in the man department and when we broke up, I decided that I was no longer going to hold back. I had a lifelong dream of moving to the Carolinas and when the opportunity arose, within a week I was gainfully employed and taking a one way 16 hour long trip to South Carolina. The day I left my sister told me she was pregnant with my niece. A bittersweet day but it was worth it. It was a beautiful drive. I’ll never forget it. It was the best feeling I’ve ever had. I was fulfilling a dream. MY dream. When I arrived, my old self fell away. I became confident. I felt beautiful. I landed a killer job as a cafe manager and life. was. good. Move count: 15; Man Count: No comment

2008 was a bitch. It was the year that felt like a decade. The following is not a joke: Car broke down, got stuck in BFE, FL, Orange barrel vs. semi-truck, orange barrel wins! almost flipped my car, car all screwed up now, insurance gave me the finger, grandma got breast cancer, started dating another jerk, GM of the store left, work started sucking, in spite of it all, had the best birthday EVER in March, pneumonia, sinus infection, flu (ALL at the same time), had to get a NEW car because the insurance company wouldn’t pay for the $7,000 in damages and the banks refused to finance a used car with all of the upside down equity, other shit happened I won’t discuss here, and I ended up having to move back to Michigan. Another low blow. A week to the day later, I had to have emergency surgery. My boyfriend was long gone to Army training for his looming deployment to Iraq. I made some more great friends but ultimately moved back in with my mother. With the unemployment rate steadily rising and the job market growing slim, I waitressed my way through the rest of the summer pissed off and heartbroken when I found out I was being cheated on, again. Moved to Knoxville for what was supposed to be a great job and then that fell through too. I have some seriously awful luck. Broke and sleeping on a couch and then an air mattress, I was happy to take another opportunity that promised to turn into something else. In the meantime, I stooped to serious measures to get money… plasma donation, for one. I moved again to the coolest and most broken old house and then to a nice, quiet bee-infested condo. (Thank you Grandma!!) At this point, I could write a hilarious book about the entire year, including my inability to vote in the most important election of the decade because Michigan and Tennessee both said no. For the record, I would have voted Obama. I bid farewell to the year in a parking lot, late to the festivities, awfully fitting I thought. Move Count: 21

2009 was another long ass year. Lost my new car, gained Peanut (my car muse), broken promises from my job, a friendship gone awry, dating dilemmas, an almost engagement, an empowering break up, an amazing job offer that fell through AFTER I had already moved and prepared for it and then another heartbreak. So here we are, the end of a decade. A clean slate ahead. A new blog home. A fantastic new job helping my favorite kind of people: the old. I’m going back to school for English Literature with a minor in web and graphic design. I dabbled in it in high school and loved it, and I’ve always loved writing. I’m with my family again and I’m loving every minute. And Michigan, oddly enough, is slowly growing on me. I’m actually enjoying the snow. Enjoying it!? Yes, enjoying it. Never thought I would say that again. Somehow, through all of this, I am still standing. I’m still here, living and breathing. I’m fully planted on the bright side, thanks to you all for your ongoing encouragement and hilarious blogs that have brightened more than one bad day. Thanks to my amazing circle of friends. Thanks to my terrific family. Thanks to God. Move count: 22 (or so)

I hope the New Year finds you well. That your dreams come true. That your resolutions and goals are met and exceeded. Here’s to 2010, a new year, a new decade, a new start.

Cheers to you all! I will see you on the other side!

Happy New Year!